The Better to Hear You With

He’d spent his whole life trying to fit in. He knew he was different and he hated it. All he wanted was to be normal and cool.

He looked around at all the perfect people and wondered how they made it look so easy. They just always seemed to pick the right thing: the right clothes, the right job, the right friends, the right everything. They posted the right things on social media, and said the right things at parties, and smiled and laughed at just the right time in every conversation.

They were perfect. And he knew if he could just be more like them, he’d be perfect too.

He put all his time, effort and energy into being less: less messy and loud and colorful and transparent and every other thing that had always made him feel so much less than everyone else.

But becoming less didn’t make him feel perfect.

It made him feel hollow.

And that was worse.

So he stopped.

He stopped comparing and imitating.
He stopped hiding and pretending.
He stopped censoring and silencing.

It wasn’t easy.

He had to accept some things…

That he was never going to fit in.
That he was never going to feel completely comfortable in his own skin.
That some people would never understand, approve of or appreciate him for who he was.
That sometimes he’d feel self-conscious or lonely or scared.

“Small price to pay”, he told himself, “for the privilege of being me”.